Zero and DDOJ Issue Six

Zero and DDOJ
Issue #6
by Tom Zjaba

Chapter Seven
Little Red Corvette
    Riding down the road, Bridgette has the windows down and her hair is blowing out the window. The radio is blaring out "Cherry Pie" by Warrant and she is singing along. While she is not a bad singer, she keeps forgetting the words and just mumbles when she does not remember. DDOJ is sitting in the front seat with her and just keeps singing "You're my Cherry Pie" over and over. It is the only words he has picked up in the song, so he keeps singing it. In the back seat, Zero and Candy are making small talk. "So does she always drive this fast?" he asks as he watches the scenery fly by. "Only when she is really pissed. The madder she gets, the faster she drives. Sorta like the Incredible Hulk, only with cars." The analogy strikes him as odd, but he just rolls with it. "How about you? Was your boyfriend also cheating on you?" She looks at him and smiles "No silly, he's not my boyfriend. He wants to be my boyfriend or at least he wants to get in my pants, but I don't like him." Zero knows he will probably regret it, but he asks anyway "If he isn't your boyfriend, then why were you at the concert with him?" She laughs and says "Bridgette doesn't like to go out with Mike alone, so she invited me. This pissed Mike off, so he invited Bob cause he knows that Bob is hot for me but I can't stand him. He figured that I would not go if Bob went and he would be here with Bridgette alone." Zero is not following it but figures he has nothing else to do, so he might as well find out more. "And why does Bridgette not want to be alone with Mike?" Her smile slowly leaves her face as she says "Because he gets drunk and hits her." This infuriates him. If there is one thing that Zero does not like it is a man who abuses women. His father was abusive to him as a child and he remembers how he felt. He did not know his mother, but he heard from other army brats that his father abused her. He then asks another question. "If he abuses her, why doesn't she just leave him?" She gives him a "duh" look and says "Because she loves him. Well, she did love him but after tonight, I think it may finally be over." He then asks the obvious question "Because she caught him cheating?" Again she gives him a "duh" look. "Well, yeah. I mean he was like a total jerk for hitting her, but it was the booze. When he isn't drunk, he can be really sweet. Well as sweet as a Neanderthal can be. But if he is fooling around on her, well that is just too much." Zero will never understand women. "So she can forgive a guy for hitting her but not for cheating on her." She crosses her arms and says "Bruises will heal but a broken heart is like forever. Know what, that would make like a real bitchin title for a song."

    Mike is at a gas station on the pay phone. "Yeah, Mike here. I know I am supposed to be at the concert, but something went down and I need some help. No, I'm not in jail. Now be serious. Bridgette took off with my vette. Are we finished? Damn straight we are finished. The bitch stole my car. Can you what? No, you can't date her. Now get serious. I need you to come pick me up and get the guys together. We are going to find her and make her pay. Where am I? I am at the gas station down the road from the stadium. Yeah, that one. Right, where we picked up those girls after the Motley Crue concert. Hurry up down here. Later." He then walks over to Bob and says "Mitch is on his way." Bob is eating a beef jerky and sipping a soda. He looks at him and says "That's great, but how are we going to find her?" Mike looks at him and smiles an evil smile "Because I know where she is headed. She always wants to go to the country bar to dance, but I would never take her. I told her country music sucks. So she will go there because she figures I would never be caught dead in a country bar." Bob looks at him and says "You were always the smart one." They then give each other high fives and head towards the street.

    The vette pulls into a crowded parking lot. Every spot up front is taken. Most are filled with pick-up trucks. And pretty much every vehicle in the parking lot is American made. As they drive a lane, looking for a spot, Zero looks and is amazed at how many Ford pick-up trucks are in the parking lot. It looks more like a car dealership than a bar parking lot. Only the bumper stickers give it away. There are many patriotic stickers on the cars from ones based on the Boss's song, Born in the USA to ones bragging about size. "Are all the cars, American made?" Zero asks as he has never seen anything like this. Of course he came from New York City where most of the vehicles are cabs or buses. But he did see a fair amount of Mercedes, BMW, Saab and other foreign cars. Candy looks at him and says "We are in auto capital of the world. The auto industry employs most of these people. If you brought a foreign car to this bar, there is a good chance it would be trashed." It is the 1980's and the American auto industry is still the dominant force. And this is even more evident here where the big three are headquartered. DDOJ listens to what they say and then turns to Bridgette and asks "Is this an American car?" She looks at him and smiles "Honey, this is a Corvette. You can't get any more American than that." DDOJ smiles as he now knows the car will not get trashed. Zero then leans up front and asks Bridgette a question. "How is it that a girl who lives in a city that is famous for Motown and goes to a Kiss concert is a country music fan?" She whips her head back and smiles as she says "I am originally from Nashville, Tennessee. My daddy moved up here to get a job with GM." Zero smiles back at her as her sexy smile is quite infectious. "Tennessee? What happened to your accent, southern belle?" She laughs as she answers "I moved up ten years ago. Lost it along the way. But it does come back when we go back home to visit. Y'all understand?" They all laugh at her exaggerated Y'all. She then sees a spot and pulls in. As they pull out, she hands the keys to DDOJ and says "I plan on doing some serious drinking, so you better hold onto these." DDOJ smiles as she hands him the keys, but Zero quickly intercepts the keys. "Trust me, you don't want him driving this car. He will wreck it." She then grabs the keys back and hands them to DDOJ and says "Not my car, so I don't care. Plus, I trust him." DDOJ smiles as he walks next to her and says "I'm an excellent driver."

    As they walk into the bar, which is called the Ten Gallon Saloon, they are stopped by a bouncer. A large man decked out in all black halts their progress and says "I need to see some ID's. Everyone pulls out their IDs and shows them to the bouncer. He lets the girls and Zero in but stops DDOJ. "What is this?" he asks as he looks at DDOJ's library card. "It's my library card. It let's me takes books out of the library." The man gets a pissed look on his face as he hands it back and says "I need a real ID." DDOJ then points to his name on the card and says "This is a real ID, there is my name right there." The bouncer is getting real pissed now and says "Either show a real ID or I am kicking you out." Bridgette notices there is a problem and comes over. "What's wrong?" she says as he is glaring at DDOJ. "This joker is trying to use a library card as an ID." he says as he crosses his arms to make himself look more imposing. Bridgette then stands in front of him and turns her back to the bar and lifts her shirt and exposes her breasts to him "How is this for an ID?" The bouncer's eyes get real big and he starts stuttering. "We-we-well I-I-I-" Before he can finish, she shakes her breasts for him and then pulls her shirt back down and grabs DDOJ by the hand and pulls him in. The bouncer is standing there in awe at what just happened. He has heard about stuff like this, but figured it would never happened to him. He then walks over to the bar and tells the bartender "I need a break."

    Three cars pull into the parking lot of the Shell gas station. Mike and Bob run over and a tinted window rolls down. Inside is a guy with short black hair and wearing a polo shirt. Like Mike and Bob, these are guys who came from well to do families. Their clothes , their cars and their attitudes shout it out. The car is a black BMW and the interior is all leather. "I got the gang together, are you ready to go?" he says as hands a joint to Mike. "Yeah, let's go get my car." he says as he takes a drag and hands it back. He then goes around and gets in, along with Bob. They then drive off with the other two cars following. The other two cars are a Porsche and a Jaguar. As they are driving down the road, Mitch turns to Mike and says "Are you sure you want to got there? I heard it gets pretty rough." Mike turns to him and says "There is enough of us to handle anything. We have what eight guys?" Mitch turns back and says "Including you two, we have ten guys." This makes Mike smile as he says "Let those rednecks get in our way, we'll waste them." They all scream as Mitch turns up the radio and blares Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell."

    Inside the country bar, the group finds a table and sits down. Before they can even order, a server comes over and hands the two girls a beer. She then points over to a table full of guys and says "These come compliments of those guys over there." The girls hold the bottles up and mouth "thank you". Two of the guys come strolling over. They are wearing blue jeans, button down shirts and large cowboy hats. As they get to the table, Bridgette takes a swig of her beer and says "Thanks for the beer boys." Candy also takes a big drink. "If your men don't mind, we would like a dance." one of the men says as he tips his hat to Bridgette. She gets up and says "They are just friends and we would love to dance." Both of the girls then head out to the dance floor with the girls. DDOJ has a sad look on his face, almost like he is going to cry. He looks at Zero for answers. Zero moves over and gives him a pat on the back "I hate to break it to you, but these girls are out of our league." DDOJ looks at him with a confused look and asks "How do I get in that league?" Zero laughs a bit and says "About the only chance we have in reincarnation."

    As the night goes on, the girls hop from one table to another. They dance a song with this cowboy and then move on to another. DDOJ looks on but does not know what to do. Until now, he was always the center of attention. As Zero looks around the bar, he sees that the male to female ratio greatly favors the female. While there are quite a few ladies at the bar, there are allot more men and the girls are loving it. The competition for women is very strong and it just so happens that the girls they came with are among the prettiest and flirtiest in the bar. Zero also realizes that they are outnumbered by men in cowboy hats and it is best to just sit back and watch the crowd. He is not into the whole Urban Cowboy scene. He does feel bad for DDOJ who is having his heart broken. As he looks over in the corner, he sees some pinball machines and decides that they may get his mind off the girls. "Why don't we go shoot some pinball?" he says to DDOJ who is moping. "But how will Bridgette know where I am? She may come back and want to dance." he says as he keeps hope alive. Zero pulls him up and says "Trust me, she will find you if she wants to." He then pulls him over to an open pinball machine. As DDOJ looks at it with the flashing lights, he asks "How do you play?" Zero puts two quarters into the machine, Eight Ball Deluxe and says "You shoot this steel ball up like this." He then pulls the plunger and sends the ball flying onto the playfield. "Then you use these flippers to keep the ball in play." He then hits the ball as it comes down the field. "The idea is to hit as many targets and keep the ball from going down the middle or the sides. The longer it stays in play, the more points you will get." He keeps hitting the ball and the points are racking up. Then the ball sinks down the middle and his ball is over. "Now, it is your turn. Give it a try." DDOJ then shoots the ball and it flies up. As the ball flies around, he watches it intently. When it comes down, he hits it back up the field. "There, you got the hang of it." Zero says as he watches DDOJ's eyes light up. Like the television remote in the hotel, this piece of electronics is new to DDOJ and has him captivated. The sounds, the lights, the graphics have him in a trance. And he has a natural knack for the game as he is racking up quite a few points. Even without having any idea what he is doing, he is already blowing Zero out of the water. Several minutes go by and he is still playing the game. A few guys come over and look at the score. "Awesome score, what ball are you on?" Zero looks at them and says "He is still on his first ball." The two guys look at each other in shock and say "No way." They then look up at the marquee and see that he really is on his first ball. "Are you like one of those pinball wizard dudes?" one of the guys ask him. But DDOJ is too caught up to even notice. "He is a pinball wizard. Look, he is mute like the dude from the movie." Zero just laughs at these guys who are obviously mistaken. But there is no mistaking DDOJ's skills as he continues on with the game. It is almost like he can control the ball with his mind as it will not go down the drain. As he keeps playing, a few more guys gather around the machine to see what is going on. As they look at the score and see he is still on the first ball, they get excited. He has already broken the high score and is still on his first ball. It isn't long before there are a dozen guys circled around the machine and cheering him on. Zero is enjoying it as he knows this is taking his mind off being dumped.

    In the parking lot, the three cars pull in. As they drive around looking for Mike's vette, they laugh at all the pickup trucks. "Don't these guys have any mind of their own?" Mitch says as he laughs at the endless parade of trucks. While there are some other cars mixed in like mustangs, trans ams and even an occasional van, it is mostly pick-up trucks. And there are a ton of Ford trucks as they are the dominant ones in the parking lot. As they drive down one aisle after another, they finally see a red corvette in the back. It is tucked away between a monster truck and a pick-up truck. Mike runs out and first looks at the license plate. Sure enough, it says "Dude". He then walks over the whole car to look for any scratches. When he finds that the car is still in great shape, he kisses the hood and says "Girl, I will get you back to your nice, safe garage." He then gives it a hug and then pulls out his handkerchief and wipes off the hood. "I told you she would come here. Now let's go in there and teach her a lesson." The cars then drive down the aisle and park in some empty spots, only a few spots away from the vette. They then park their cars and all the guys get out. Down the line, they all are wearing either sweatshirts with college logos on them or dress shirts with nice sweaters, tied around their necks. Bob and Mitch are by far the biggest in the group, but none of the guys are small. Bob looks at the group and says "Let's rock!" They all yell and shake their fists as they head towards the saloon.

    The crowd is now numbers over twenty people as they watch DDOJ put up a score that was unthinkable. And he is still on his first ball. Zero has accepted the fact that he may never get to play his second ball and his score is now looking very pathetic. The crowd has spilled over and stopped people from playing the other pinball machines. But no one seems to mind as they want to see how high a score he can reach. All this attention has not gone unnoticed. A few of the girls from the floor have come over to see what is going on. One of them is Bridgette who always wants to be the center of attention. As she pushes her way through the crowd, she sees that it is DDOJ on the machine. She comes over and kisses him on the cheek. "I was looking for you." she says as he turns to see who just kissed him. As he does, she grabs his head and gives him a big kiss on the lips. The crowd all cheers. Then the ball goes down the drain. The crowd then groans. She pulls him over and keeps kissing him as Zero gives her a dirty look. He then takes his turn on the machine and within seconds, his ball goes down the drain. The crowd boos him and a few guys yell out "You suck." He then taps DDOJ on the shoulder and says "Loverboy, it is your turn." He stops kissing and looks at Zero who points to the machine. He goes over and starts playing again and soon he forgets about Bridgette. She is upset that he cares more about the game than her and she storms off. But she is soon stopped by a big cowboy and he takes her back on the floor to dance.

    At the front door, the bouncer stops Mike and the guys and says "I need to see some ID's." Mike pushes him hard and the shock of the action and Mike's strength, knocks him over. Before he can get back up, the guys all rush into the bar and head towards the floor. On the floor, Bridgette is dancing with a couple of guys as is Candy. Mike goes over and grabs her arm and says "Did you think I wouldn't find you, Bitch?" He then slaps her across the face. This pisses off the men she is dancing with and one of them grabs Mike's hand before he can hit her again. Mike turns to him and says "Mind your own business, you stupid redneck." He then tries to pull his hand free, but finds the guy is much stronger than he anticipated. Before he knows what is going on, he finds himself on the receiving end of a punch in the face. Mike falls to the ground from the blow, but Mitch quickly jumps in and starts pounding on the guy. And this brings in more of the men in cowboy hats as they jump in to defend their friend. Before long, it turns into a full blown ballroom blitz. Soon, there are bottle flying, tables being knocked over and women screaming. While Mike and his group are tough, many of them former high school wrestlers or football players, they are quickly outnumbered and greatly underestimated the fighting skills of these men. As Zero sees what is going on, he recognizes the guys in the middle as the guys from the concert. And as he sees Bridgette and Candy in the middle of it, he quickly figures out what is going on. He then grabs DDOJ by the arm and says "We need to get out of here." As he pulls DDOJ away, another guy quickly jumps in to play his game. As they move through the crowd, they have to step aside to avoid flying bodies or furniture. Once he gets past the worst of it, he starts to run with DDOJ following behind him. As they get out to the parking lot, he asks DDOJ "Let me have the keys." He pulls them out of his pocket and hands them to him. "Aren't we going to wait for the girls?" he asks. Zero starts running again and looks back and says "Trust me, they will get a ride home." They then reach the vette and quickly he gets in. As they pull out of their spot, they see some guys smashing up some cars. Zero backs up to see what is going on and sees five men with baseball bats smashing in the headlights and the windows of the BMW, Porsche and Jaguar. He then yells out "That will teach them not to buy American." The guys scream "Hell Yeah!" as they continue to trash the cars. Zero them puts the car in drive and takes off out of the parking lot. "You would have to be really stupid to park a foreign car there." Zero says as he speeds down the street. As he drives off in the night, he sees police sirens in the distance. At first he gets a bit scared, until he sees them pull into the parking lot. He just laughs, thinking about all the problems these guys are going to have and then pushes the gas pedal down. He wants to get as far away as possible before they realize their car is missing. DDOJ then looks over at him and asks "Can I drive the car?" Zero just laughs and says "Stick to pinball." He then responds "I was pretty good at pinball, wasn't I?" Zero laughs again and says "That is an understatement."