Issue #12
by Tom Zjaba
Chapter Twelve
Regrets and Revenge
Mitch sits in the attorney's office, waiting for him to come back in. He led him into his office and then was called away. That was ten minutes ago. Ten long minutes ago. He looks around the office one more time. There is the usual picture of the wife and kids on his desk. He looks at the stunning blonde that must be his wife and thinks to himself "There is a gold digger if I ever seen one. Bet she divorces him and takes half." He hates any man who has a better looking wife than his ex-wife. And that is most men as she was not very attractive. He is not an attractive man and he was never too smart. What he lacks in charisma, he makes up for in sheer strength and endurance, both traits of a hard worker. But he has a drinking problem and can be quite abusive when he is drunk. This eventually drove his wife away. One time too many, he laid his hands on her. And she had enough of his begging and promising that it would never happen again. So one day he came home from the bar to find the house empty and the Dear John letter on the kitchen table. Some people would have realized they had a problem after that and got help. Not Mitch, it only made him angrier and drove him to drink even more. And that has hurt his farm. Too often, he has slept in and missed getting the morning chores done. Too often, he has forgotten to pay a bill or spent the money on booze.
David Green finally comes into his office to find Mitch waiting with an upset look on his face. "I am very sorry about that, but I had to take the call." Mitch glares at him as he says "I understand." David sits down and folds his hand as he says "So tell me about your case." Mitch moves himself in the chair as he tries to get comfortable. The ten minute wait has made him a little fidgety. He clears his throat and says "You know of Clarence the Cow, right?" David nods and says "Yeah, he's been all over the news." Mitch smiles as he says "Well, he is my cow." David's eyes light up as he says "So what are you looking for? Legal advice on his career?" He shakes his head no as he continues "Nothing like that. What I need is to force him into court for a DNA test. You see he broke free and I need help proving he is mine." David is confused. "Why don't you just check the brand? You did brand him?" Mitch can see where this is going and he gets aggravated. "I thought I did, but he did not have a brand. I had the police check him." David is more confused. "If you already had the police involved with no recourse, what makes you think we can help you?" Mitch takes a moment to count to ten. This attorney is not getting this and it is so simple to him. "What I want is for you to file some kind of motion to get a DNA test. Then we can match it against the bull that sired him and make a match." David better understands but is still not convinced. "So you own the bull that sired him?" Why does everything have to be so complicated. This reminds him of school, where every question led to another question. "No, I don't own the bull, but I know the man who does." David stops for a second to think. He can tell that Mitch is getting aggravated and he does not want this to become ugly. "Let me ask you this. Is Clarence the only bull that this bull sired?" Mitch thinks "What kind of stupid question is that?" He once again stops to count to ten. His temper is beginning to flare as he is getting tired of these stupid questions. "No, I am sure he has sired other bulls. Probably quite a few, why?" David fears for the worst here, but he needs to make this farmer understand. "OK, so this bull has sired quite a few other bulls, correct? Let me ask you, do you own all the bulls that he has sired?" Mitch's face is getting red now as his blood pressure is rising. He is wishing he had another nip of booze before he came in here. "No, I just bought the one bull. Why would I want to have a bunch of bulls?" David pauses again, hoping that Mitch calms down a bit. "Let me explain this to you. As long as there are more than one bull that has been sired by this bull, then you cannot prove that he is your animal. Unless you can prove without a shadow of a doubt that the cow and bull only sired a single bull, you have no case." Mitch realizes that this man is wasting his time. "Obviously, I am wasting my time with you. I want to talk to Mr. Everton, NOW." He slams his fist on the desk to get his point across. "I am sorry sir, but it does not matter who you talk to. Unless you can prove that this is the only bull with those bloodlines, we cannot help you. If you would have branded your animal, this would have been much easier." Mitch jumps up and screams "I know I should have branded him, but I forgot. Now if you don't want my business, then I will find another freaking lawyer." He then knocks the picture of David's wife over as he storms out of the office. As he leaves, he curses "Damn lawyers, no wonder everyone hates them."
The next morning. Charles wakes up with a massive headache. His head feels like a mule kicked it. He looks around and notices he is in his bed at the hotel. He rubs his temples as he says "What happened last night?" As he begins to climb out of bed, he hears a noise. It is the sound of running water. He is unsure where it is coming from, but he figures the hotel has paper thin walls and he is hearing one of the other room's shower. He looks over at the clock and sees that it is 9:00 AM. He rubs his eyes and looks at it again. "Man, I should have been up hours ago." He struggles to get out of bed, the effects of the alcohol are still with him. As he slowly climbs out of bed, he hears a different sound. While the sound of running water is still heard, he also hears the sound of singing. Not just any singing, but a woman singing. He curses the paper thin walls as he heads to the bathroom. His bladder is full from last night and he needs to empty it.
As Charles opens the bathroom door, he is hit in the face by a cloud of steam that pours out as he opens the door. As he stares through the steam, he has found the source of the running water. The shower is running and the bathroom is full of steam. For a moment, he wonders if he turned the shower on last night and forgot to turn it off. As he goes over to turn it off, he hears the singing again. What the heck is that? He stops in his tracks as he is unsure who is in his shower. There is a moment of hesitation as he tries to decide if he should confront the person or call hotel security. He is not a violent person and the last time he was in a real fight was grade school and he lost badly. Before he can make a decision, he hears the water turn off. The person is coming out now and he decides to just stay and confront them. As the shower curtain is pulled aside, he sees something that he did not expect. A woman emerges from the shower. Not just any woman, but the woman he met at the bar last night. As she looks over, she sees him and smiles as she does nothing to cover her nakedness. She smiles at him and says "Good morning lover!" He jaw drops as she says that. But before he can respond, she asks "If you want, I can turn the water back on and we can take a shower together. I know a few areas I would like to scrub clean." She then winks at him. He is completely speechless. Realizing that he is probably still hung over, she grabs her towel and says "Let me get dressed and we can grab some breakfast." He turns and walks out of the bathroom with a look of complete shock on his face.
After a few minutes, Bonnie walks into the room wearing nothing but a towel. Charles is sitting at the end of the bed in total shock. She comes over and stands in front of him and opens the towel. "Wanna a quickie before breakfast?" she says as she bares her body to him. He turns his head away and says "No." She quickly covers herself back up and says "What's wrong Chucky?" He looks up at her and asks "What happened last night?" She laughs as she puts her arm around him. "Don't tell me you don't remember?" He shakes his head no. "We had a wonderful night. You were incredible. The way you went after my body, you would think you never had a woman before." She looks up at her with a sheepish look and says "I never did." She gives him a playful smack on the arm as she says "Get out. Don't tell me you're a virgin." He looks down at his feet. "I'm not a virgin, I just never been with a woman before." She is confused now. But after a few seconds, it dawns on her. "Are you telling me that you are gay?" He nods his head yes as he looks up at her. "Damn, I finally find a man who is great in bed and he is gay." Charles looks at her and asks "I was great in bed?" She kisses him on the forehead and says "Most guys rush through foreplay, but you took your time. You touched and kissed every part of my body, it was incredible. I never had a man make me feel like that." He smiles and says "Well, thanks." She then kisses him on the lips and says "No, thank you."
Betty Lee and Clarence are downstairs in the restaurant, having breakfast. Clarence has a huge plate of pancakes in front of him. Betty Lee is showing him how to pour syrup on the pancakes. She has an omelet in front of her. As they sit and eat, some kids at another table are looking over and pointing to the table. "Mommy, look it's Clarence the Cow!" The mother tries to quiet her kids "Please don't point. You know it is rude to point." She tries to get her son to turn around and eat, but he and his sister keep looking over at Clarence. "But mommy, it's Clarence. Can we go say hi?" The mother gives him a stern look "Let the man...I mean cow eat in peace. Now turn around and eat your breakfast or else." Before she can say what the else is, the two kids jump up from their table and run over to see Clarence. The mother quickly puts down her cup of coffee and rushes after them. But she does not stop them from running over and bothering Clarence. "Hello Clarence!" the boy says as he and his little sister both smile at him. He is eight years old and his sister is six. "Are you a real cow?" his sister asks. Since her visit to Disney and finding out that Mickey Mouse is not a real mouse, but a person in a costume, she is very skeptical. Much more skeptical than a six year should be. Clarence smiles at her and says "Yes, I am." He then holds out his hoof for her to shake. She grabs it and shakes it and says "You look like the real thing to me." Her brother cuts in and says "I saw you on television." He smiles and says "I will be on television more, so keep an eye out for me." The boy smiles and before he can say anything else, his mother comes over and grabs both of them by the hand and says "Please quit bothering Mister Cow." Clarence looks up with sad eyes and says "They aren't bothering me, I love children." The girl looks up and says "See mommy, we aren't bothering him. Can we visit with him, please?" The woman looks at her kids who are pleading with her with their big eyes. She finally says "Only if Mister Cow says it is all right and if you promise to eat all your breakfast." They then turn to Clarence and ask "Is it all right if we join you for breakfast?" Clarence nods his head yes. The kids jump up and down as their mother tries to calm them down.
The men from NBC walk into the hotel and head to the front desk. A young woman with a big smile greets them. "How can I help you today?" Richard pulls out a business card and hands it to the woman. "I am here to see Clarence the Cow, which room would he be in?" She looks in her computer and asks "Is cow his last name?" Richard then says "Look it up under his attorney's name, Betty Lee Williams." She looks and still does not find it. "Sir, let me call my manager and see if he knows what room he is in?" She then picks up the phone and calls her manager. As she is talking to him, Richard turns around and says to the group "I bet they put it under the name of his agent. What is that little prick's name?" They all look at each other as no one can remember it. One guy speaks up "It's Charles something or other. All I remember is how utterly annoying he is." They all laugh at the remark. The girl then hangs up the phone and says "My manager says you can find him in our restaurant. He is the one with the crowd around him." The men all look at each other. Donald then says "Wonder if ABC beat us here? Or Fox, I bet it's Fox. I hate them." The man all look at each other and then rush off to the restaurant. As they rush through the door into the room, they are greeted by the maitre de. "How many will be dining today?" Richard quickly says "I am looking for a cow. He came here for breakfast." She laughs and says "You must mean Clarence. He is over in the corner, surrounded by kids." She then point over to a table in the far corner with a crowd around it. As Richard and the rest head over there, they see Clarence in the middle of a big group of kids and their parents as he is talking to them. They are all smiling and listening to his every word. The guys just stop and watch as Clarence wows the crowd. Richard then turns to his group and says "I don't care what it takes, I want him under an exclusive contract. He's like a cross between Elvis and Big Bird. Just look how the kids and their parents are entranced by him. He has the IT factor." The men all nod in agreement. He then turns to Ashton and says "I want a rewrite on the script. Make it more family friendly. The more demographics we can pull, the higher the advertising rate."
Charles is getting dressed while Bonnie does her hair. Once she finishes, she comes over and asks "Should I even bother giving you my phone number?" Richard stops tying his tie and turns to her and says "I would like it. I cannot guarantee you that I will call. Right now I am confused. As far as I have known, I have always liked men better. But something just feels different. I cannot say what it is, but you are the first person that said I was good in bed." She smiles at him and kisses her finger and then touches it to his lips. "I understand. While I don't expect you to call, I hope you will. I really would like to make you feel half as good as you made me feel." She then walks out the door as Charles watches her walk out. He stops for a moment and looks in the mirror. "One night with a woman and already my life is more complicated." He then finishes tying his tie and heads out the door. He still has a client who needs him and he has to find out where he is and how last night went.
As the children slowly leave, the men from NBC move in to talk to Clarence. "Hello Clarence, hope you enjoyed your dinner last night." Richard says. Clarence looks up at him and says "It was delicious." Richard smiles and replies "That's good. We came down to see how you were doing. From the looks of things, you are doing quite well." Clarence smiles as he looks down at his empty plate of pancakes. "I really like pancakes." He then smiles at them. A waitress comes over with the bill, but Richard quickly intercepts it. "Please, let me pay for this." Betty Lee tries to jump in and refuse, but he gives her a stop sign with his hand and says "I insist." She sits back down. While she does not mind the lavish attention, she does not want to feel indebted to them. And if they keep buying them stuff, she is worried it will cloud her judgment.
The men sit down at the table next to Clarence's and begin to talk. Richard sits down next to Clarence and says "I understand you have a busy schedule today? You are going to be on Sesame Street." Clarence smiles and says "I am going to be a Muppet." Richard laughs and says "Yes you are. So tell me, would you like a tour of the city after you tape the show?" Betty Lee jumps in quickly "We will need to clear it with Charles first. Richard rolls his eyes as he does not look forward to dealing with Charles again. The two of them have clashed over a few of his clients. But then he clashes with most agents. He is in the business of making the most money for the network and they are in the business of making the most money for their clients. Conflicts are unavoidable. But this time he is determined to get a deal done, even if it means working with Charles.
As they sit and talk, Charles rushes through the door and into the restaurant. He zips past the maitre de as he quickly notices Clarence in the corner. Without the crowd around him, he is easy to spot. He also notices the men from NBC and he hopes that he made it in time. The last thing he wants to find out is they signed a contract. He rushes over to the table and says "Hello Richard, it's been a long time." Richard turns around and sees Charles standing there, winded. "Glad you could join us. Please sit down and take a look at the proposal I gave your client last night." He glares at Betty Lee and asks "Tell me you didn't sign anything. I specifically said not to sign anything." Betty Lee cannot pass up the chance to tease him and answers "I know what you said, but the deal was too good to pass up." Charles flips out as he yells "I specifically said not to sign anything. What part of that did you not understand?" She winks at him and says "I'm teasing you. We didn't sign anything, honest." The whole table breaks out laughing. Well, everyone except for Charles, who is too busy trying to avoid a heart attack. He glares at her and says "That was not funny. Not funny one bit." But everyone continues to laugh, even Clarence.
After trying three more attorney's Mitch ends up with the realization that he does not have a case. He thinks it is total crap, but there is nothing he seems to be able to do about it. He knows it is his bull and he deserves the money. So he decides on a different approach. He drives to a gun store that is on the outskirts of Iowa City. He walks in and is greeted by a man in camouflage. The man asks "What can I get for you?" Mitch smiles and says "I want something with a good scope on it. I need to shoot some coyotes that are attacking my chickens but I cannot get near them. Do you have anything that I can shoot from a long distance?" The man walks over and pulls a rifle with a large scope on it and hands it to him. "This scope is so powerful that you would have to be blind to miss with it." Mitch looks through it and smiles "Excellent. This is just what I need."
Clarence the Cow © 2007-2008 Tom Zjaba