Clarence the Cow
Issue #7
by Tom Zjaba
Chapter Seven
Reclaiming Property
The limo driver drops both of them off in front of Betty
Lee's house. As they get out, she looks at Clarence and asks "You don't have a
place to stay, do you?" This is the first time he has even thought about it.
Until this morning, he was in the jail. Before that, it was the farm. "I guess I
don't have a place to stay." he says to her with those big, sad eyes. The limo
driver then takes off, leaving them standing in from of her small but nice
house. It was not a huge house, but she liked the big porch that wrapped around
the house and the large back yard with plenty of shade trees. She looks at
Clarence and says "You can stay here if you want." He smiles at her and says
"Thank you!" She then looks at her small house with two bedrooms, but neither
one exactly adequate for a bull. She thinks for a second but cannot really come
up with any sleeping solutions. "Not really sure where you can sleep. You would
break my bed without a doubt." she says as she is feeling less than hospitable.
Clarence smiles at her and says "If you don't mind, I would like to sleep back
there in the grass." He then points his hoof towards her backyard. She smiles
back and says "Are you sure that will be comfortable?" Clarence laughs and says
"I am a cow, we usually sleep standing up." She laughs at this and then walks
him to the backyard and says "Well, make yourself comfortable and I will see you
in the morning." He thanks her and then walks over to a large oak tree and lays
down underneath it. After the time in jail, it is comforting to feel grass
beneath him. It reminds him of the hot days when the cows would lay down around
the few shady trees. She smiles as she watches him fall quickly asleep. She then
heads into the house and gets herself ready for bed. It has been a long day and
she is exhausted.
Early the next morning, she is awoken to a loud banging on
her door. She looks out the window and sees that the sun is up, so it is
morning. As she rolls over, she sees that her clock says it is 7 AM. "Must be
Clarence wanting some water or to go to the bathroom." she says as she rises
from her bed. She grabs a robe to cover herself and heads down the stairs. As
she reaches the bottom of the stairs, she hears another loud knock on the front
door. "I'm coming." she says as she wipes the sleep from her eyes. She really
wanted a few more hours sleep. As she opens the front door, she is greeted by an
angry man and the police. The man is in his early fifties, thin build with
thinning hair and a small moustache that has grey streaks in it. He has a pair
of large glasses that make his eyes appear larger than they are. He is holding a
paper up in her face and says "I am here for my property." Betty Lee has no idea
what the man is talking about. "What property are you talking about?" she asks
as she grabs the paper. "I am here for my bull. Now hand him over." he says as
he points to the paper that shows he bought Clarence from another farmer five
years ago. She hands it back to him and says "This doesn't prove anything. This
could be any bull." The man then says "I knew you would try to pull some of your
legal mumbo jumbo, so I brought proof." Betty Lee tightens up the robe as she is
only wearing a t-shirt and panties underneath. "And what proof is that?" The man
pulls out some photos and hands them to her. "These are some photos I took of
the bull when I bought him and after I branded him. You can see the brand mark
on his right thigh." She looks at the photos and they do look similar to
Clarence. But being five year old photos, it is not inconclusive. She then looks
at the one with the close-up of the brand that shows a capital S and a capital
F. The S is slightly higher than the F and a little to the left. She hands the
picture back to him and says "What does the SF stand for?" The man pulls out his
driver's license and show her "Stockdale Farms. See, my name is Eustace
Stockdale." She looks at the deputy who is just as confused as her. The man then
adds "If you will show me my property, I will be glad to show you the brand and
end this." She gives him a dirty look and then looks at the deputy. The deputy
looks back at her and says "Let us at least look at Clarence." She rolls her
eyes and says "If it will get rid of him, let's go in the back." As they make
their way to the back, the man blurts out "And his name is not Clarence. It's
Bluto the Bull, like the bad guy on Popeye." The deputy turns to him and asks "I
thought Popeye's enemy was called Brutus?" The man gets angry and says "Bluto,
Brutus, what does it matter, I want my bull back."
The yelling startles Clarence and he rises up as they are
coming around the house. A worried look comes over his face when he sees the
farmer. He recognizes him and worries about why he is here. It cannot be any
good. The farmer he remembers was always in a nasty mood. As they walk up to
Clarence he goes over and points to his right thigh and says "See he is my
property." As he points to the thigh, he does not realize that there is no
marking there. He just assumes there is. As Betty Lee and the deputy look at it,
they then look at each other. She then speaks up "There is no brand there." The
man then yells "What do you mean there is no brand?" He then looks at it and
sure enough, there is no brand. He then moves over to the other side and looks.
No brand there either. "Where is it? I know it is right there. I have the
picture to prove it." Betty Lee laughs and says "Obviously you have the wrong
bull. Now get off my property before I have the deputy here forcibly remove
you." The man looks at the picture and then at Clarence and says "Look at the
photos, they look the same. I don't know how you removed that brand." That makes
both Betty Lee and the deputy break out laughing. The deputy then tells the man
"Time for us to leave." The man grumbles as he slowly leaves. But before he
goes, he turns around and says "This is not the last you will hear from me. I
will be back for my property." He then is escorted away from her house. She
turns around and says "There is no such thing as a dull moment with you."
Clarence just smiles back at her. After the deputy escorts the man to his truck
and sees him off, he comes back to Betty Lee and Clarence. "I am sorry ma'am. He
filed a missing animal report and we had to follow up." Betty Lee smiles at him
and says "I understand. Thank you, officer."
What the farmer fails to realize is that he never branded
Clarence. When he originally bought a bull from another farm, the bull became
ill after a few weeks. He then returned the bull and when the farm tried to find
out what was wrong with the bull, it died. So they gave him a different bull
that looked almost identical to the first one. The first bull was branded, but
when he picked up the replacement bull, Clarence, he forgot to brand him. But
five years and allot of drinking later and he forgot this important detail.
Eustace is a known drunk in the area. Some folks say that after his wife died
prematurely, he began drinking. Others blame it on the decline of his farm.
Times have been tough for small farms. Eustace is like allot of farmers that are
living season to season. He is one bad season from losing everything. That is
why when he saw that his bull was missing and then he heard about this talking
cow, he felt like he won the lottery. He figured he could sell Bluto for
millions and retire. He hates farming and wants to be done with it. The only
reason he ever got into it was his father left him the farm. He had to quit
school early and help his father on the farm, so he never had a chance to do
anything else. He is only good at farming. That and drinking, but there is no
job opportunities in that field.
Later that day, Betty Lee and Clarence go to her office. She
wants to check her messages and she also wants to read over the governor's
proposal. For reasons she cannot explain, she cannot read and concentrate on any
legal papers at home. But at the office, she is focused. She guesses its all the
distractions at home. This is the reason she does not have a television at work.
Things can get slow at her place and she has thought about it, but she knows
that once she opens that door, it is only a matter of time before her
productivity suffers. That and it looks very unprofessional to her. As they
enter the office, she looks at the flashing light on her telephone, telling her
there are messages. She has a voice mail service as she does not want a machine
where someone could steal the tape with possible confidential information on it.
But she made sure to get a phone that would flash when she had messages, so she
did not miss any. There are times when she can go a few weeks without any
clients. She then clicks in her password and listens to the first message:
"Hello Betty Lee! This is Sarah Brightman. Little Billy
is having his birthday party this weekend and he would really love it if
Clarence could come. Please let me know as soon as possible. Thanks dear!"
The second phone message:
"This is the National Enquirer. We would like to do an exclusive interview with
Clarence. Please call us ASAP."
The third message:
"Hello Clarence! This is David from the United Dairy Farmers and we think there
is some great promotional opportunities for Clarence with our company."
Fourth message:
"This is Smiling Jack of Smiling Jack's Tractors and Farm Supplies. We are
having a super blowout sale and would love if Clarence could come. We are having
free hot dogs and sodas for everyone and balloons for the kids. So please come
on down and help us out and we will make sure to give you a good deal on the
hottest tractors on the market."
Fifth message:
"Hello, this is Dennis of Prime Star Services. We feel that we can help your
client get the maximum amount of endorsements. We have many A list clients
including..."
Sixth message:
"I am calling for the David Letterman show. We would like to have Clarence on
our show. Please call me back..."
Seventh message:
Hello Betty Lee! This is the governor. Thanks for coming to my house last night.
I look forward to visiting with you and Clarence again. Have you had a chance to
read over my proposal yet? Please let me know and thanks again!"
Betty Lee stopped it there. She thought a moment about all
the offers she just heard and the one that intrigued her most was appearing on
David Letterman. While she hasn't watched the show since college, she did enjoy
it then. Now she just goes to bed too early to watch. But that kind of exposure
is hard to pass up. It could help get him more national spotlight and maybe
catapult him into a rewarding career. She is still unsure what to do. This has
all happened so fast that she is unsure what her next move is. She really wants
to include Clarence in all the decisions, but she found that he will say yes to
anyone. He is still so trusting of everyone. It would be too easy for someone to
take advantage of him. She is so glad that she was the one who became his
attorney. Who knows what some unscrupulous attorney would do with him.
Betty Lee turns to Clarence, who is busy drinking all her
bottled water and says "What do you think about being on television?" Clarence
smiles at her and says "I don't know what television is, but if you think it is
a good idea, I trust you." She laughs at his innocent remark and says "Great,
then I will call back David Letterman and get you on the show." She then
relistens to the message and writes down the phone number.
As she calls, she gets an operator who says "NBC Studios,
this is Gladys speaking. How may I help you?" Betty Lee stalls for a second as
she looks at the name and says "Can I speak to Ira Landis?" The operator pauses
for a second and asks "Who may I ask is calling?" Betty Lee smiles as she knows
that without Clarence, she would never get her call through. "This is Betty Lee
Williams, Clarence the Cow's agent." There is a pause while the operator links
the call through. She then knows she is on hold as she hears commercials for
upcoming NBC shows. After a minute, she hears a voice on the other end.
Ira - "Ms. Williams? Hello, this is Ira Landis. Thanks for calling back."
Betty Lee - "Hello, I am returning your call about having Clarence the Cow on
the show."
Ira - “Thanks for calling back so soon. David saw a news clip about Clarence and
his court case and really wanted to have him on the show.”
Betty Lee - “I think that can be arranged. Clarence is excited about being on
your show.”
Ira - “Really! Is Clarence a fan of the show?”
Betty Lee - “He has never watched television, but when I told him about it, he
was very excited.”
Ira - Great! Give me a fax number and I can fax you the forms and all the
information. Also, what airport is closest? We can have some plane tickets
waiting for you.”
Betty Lee - “Uhhh, we may have a problem there. Clarence is a bull and weighs a
half of ton. I don’t think they will let him on an airplane and I really don’t
want him flying in cargo.”
Ira - “That is a big problem, no pun intended. I do agree that Clarence should
not fly in cargo. Let me talk to some people and see how we can get this problem
resolved.”
Betty Lee - “Great, I look forward to receiving your fax.”
Ira - “I will have the forms sent to you immediately. And as soon as we get a
resolution to the problem, I will fax you and get your approval.”
Betty Lee - “Thanks.”
As she hangs up the phone, she thinks about what she should
do next. She is in way over her head and she knows it. But she is afraid to give
away any control of Clarence’s career. While he is not her kid, she cannot but
help feeling protective of him. As she ponders this, the phone rings. She is
tempted to let the answering service get the call, but she decides to answer it.
Betty Lee - “Hello, Betty Lee Williams, attorney.”
Dennis - “Hello Betty Lee, this is Dennis of Prime Star Services.”
Betty Lee - “Yeah, I got your message.”
Dennis - “Have you found an agent for Clarence yet?”
Betty Lee - “Currently, I am his agent.”
Dennis - “I see. Have you filed a trademark for his name and likeness yet?”
Betty Lee - “Not yet.”
Dennis - “I see. Have you secure the rights to the web address, Clarence the
Cow?”
Betty Lee - “Not yet.”
Dennis - “Have you any experience as an agent?”
Betty Lee - “I have a working understanding of the field.”
Dennis - “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but someone like Clarence
the Cow only comes around once in a lifetime. While you have done an excellent
job of representing him in court, you really need a team of professionals to
fully capitalize on Clarence’s uniqueness.”
Betty Lee - “And how much does a team of professionals cost?”
Dennis - “It is not the cost we should look at but the amount of exposure and
endorsements we can bring to your client. We have over thirty years of
experience working with some of the biggest stars of movie, television and the
music industry.”
Betty Lee - “And how much does thirty years of experience cost.”
Dennis - “We have direct connections to most of the fortune 500 companies. We
have the expertise at finding the best partnerships between our clients and the
top advertising agencies.”
Betty Lee - “Give me a number or I am hanging up.
Dennis (after a pause) - “Our standard percentage is 12% for top tier clients.”
Betty Lee - “I already have a proposal of 10% from one of your rivals.”
Dennis - “I do not know who this is, but I can assure you they cannot offer you
the level of service and experience that Prime Star Services can.”
Betty Lee - “But 2% more of the millions they assured us they could get will
more than make up for it.”
Dennis - “You drive a hard bargain. Tell you what, if you are willing to sign an
offer today, we can beat their offer by one half percent.”
Betty Lee - “So your offer is 9 1/2%?”
Dennis - “That is a limited time offer and must be in kept confidential.”
Betty Lee - “You have my word on it.”
Dennis - “We will send over a consultant team this afternoon. Don’t sign any
deals before we get there.”
Betty Lee - “The only deal I have is for a spot on David Letterman.”
Dennis - “That is fine. But hold off any others until we can review them.”
Betty Lee - “Will do.”
Dennis - “Thanks for choosing Prime Star Services. I look forward to a long and
prosperous business relationship.”
As she hangs up the phone, she is not sure whether to jump
for joy or be very scared. She looks over at Clarence, who is sitting on the
floor with a half dozen empty bottles around him. He is smiling at her with his
wide eye innocence. She cannot help but feel that this may be the last time she
ever sees him like this. His life is about to become very busy and she hopes
that she did the right thing. Being the only talking animal in the world, he
will be in demand. It is not like he can ever live a normal life, whatever that
is for a talking bull. At least she can give him the financial freedom that will
allow him to live a relaxed life, once the spotlight fades.
The phone rings again. She also hears the fax machine in the
other room, printing some incoming messages. She looks at the phone and then she
looks at Clarence. She knows that she has at least five hours before the agents
will be here. The proper thing would be to wait at the office for them, but she
wants to enjoy this bright, sunny day with Clarence. She looks at him and says
"Why don't we get some ice cream and take a walk?" Clarence smiles and
immediately sits up. "That sounds like fun." he says as he stands up. She then
grabs him by the hoof and leads him out. "This may be our last chance to just
have fun." she says as they walk out the door. As they head towards the street,
Clarence asks "Great, but what is ice cream?" Betty Lee laughs as she says "If
you thought the sweet tea was good, wait until you try ice cream." They then
head down the street to get some ice cream.
Clarence the Cow © 2007-2008 Tom Zjaba